Skinny Steve Rogers and Skinny Love [free song inside]

Four months after I posted Captain America Inspires Skinny People Everywhere in this blog, I've been getting lots of hits from keywords people type in their quest for answers. Keywords such as "captain america skinny" (the most popular), or "captain america thin" or "captain america 2011 skinny" or something more detailed such as "chris evans in captain america small body."





Who are these people? Who are these people who have seen the movie, and then two hours later, came out, intrigued by the incredible transformation of puny Steve Rogers to hunky Captain America with his mighty shield that they lovingly type later on their keyboards "capitao america skinny" [sic]?





Skinny folks too, I guess. Because I don't see why gym-fit guys would want to search for that kind of thing, unless of course they're just gloating, Ha! I'm muscled, I've always been this way, there is no Before version!


Then again, I might be wrong. I'm just assuming that it's the thin folks who would be most intrigued, for the same reason that skinny me took to writing that entry last March. I was awed, I can't help it, so shoot me. I have tried a high-protein diet, yoga, and when that failed, sleeping my ass off the whole day so I don't burn off whatever calories I still have in store. So when a serum with the amazing properties of beefing up the scrawniest of peeps with 100% success presents itself, then who are we to decline?



I'm not really asking for superhero body proportions. That's just not me. All I'm asking is a little meat, is that too bad?



In the meantime, I'll go grab something to eat. And then maybe actually watch the movie tomorrow or the day after just to see how the SFX people turned Chris Evans into stick-figure Steve Rogers.




Oh, here's Skinny Love by Bon Iver ("good winter" in French), live at the Late Show with David Letterman. (The first time I've seen a performance--(excluding the Japanese taiko drum performances)--with three people going at it on three drums.)



P.S. Speaking of drums, they say "thin as a drum." That's good then, otherwise you got no beat.

Superheroes with Patriotism

In Action Comics Issue 900, Superman renounce his U.S. citizenship at no less than the United Nations office. 

Maybe America's ideals were too misguided for his taste already?  Maybe he got fed up with the U.S. being the country with the largest carbon footprint in the world?  Actually, Superman just wants to go global, rather than sticking it out for just a select few?  Whatever his reasons, and however the public embraces this new citizen of the world, here are Wired.com's

 

Patriot Acts: 10 Cool, Crazy Superhero Nationalists

http://www.wired.com/underwire/2011/07/patriot-superheroes/

Comic Con. Baguio. July 16, 2011.

Gerry Alanguilan,of Wasted fame.

WHAT:

COMIC CON

WHEN: JULY 16, 2011
WHERE: BAGUIO CITY NATIONAL HIGH SCHOOL, BAGUIO



If we're lucky, veteran comic artist and inker Gerry Alanguilan (in photo above) will grace the Comic Con event on July 16 which will be held at the Baguio City National High School. 

Laguna-born Mr. Alanguilan is the man responsible for such nifty works as Wasted, ELMER, Johnny Balbona, and Humanis Rex!  As well as for inking several issues of X-Men, Wolverine, Fantastic Four, Superman, Wetworks, etc.  Alanguilan's short horror comics entitled "Sim" also appears in the graphic collection Underpass. 

Along with Whilce Portacio (co-creator of  Bishop in the Marvel universe), Gerry Alanguilan is one of the few Pinoys who have carved a name for themselves in the comic book industry.

This is the first time the Comic Con is convening in the city of Pines. 

It's only a one day event but the activities are packed.  Expect the usual comic book sales, plus workshops, live model sketching and comic strip drawings, and even an create-your-own-original-character contest.  Even better, meet and greet with your favorite illustrators. 

Goodbye, Spidey

Blame it on alternate universe.  Blame it on murderous writers Brian Michael Bendis and Mark Millar.  Blame it on costume change.  

In Issue 160 of the Ultimate Spider-Man Series: Death of Spider-Man, Peter Parker finally meets his end as he succumbs to his long-time foe, the Green Goblin.  Needless to say, this is a momentous, point-of-no-return event in the Ultimate Comics universe, known for pushing the envelope in story telling, and for making sure the dead stays dead.

Of course, this being an alternate universe apart from the Marvel universe, Peter Parker (at least the adult version) is well and alive in the other sagas.  A new Spider-Man will of course replace Peter Parker, as well as his classic red-and-blue costume we've been used to for so long.

Wait, they're killing off Spidey just to update his costume?   Not really, of course. 
If anything, Ultimate Comics treated Spider-Man's death with special care, making it a meaningful and noble death as only superheroes should have.  

 Though of course, fuck meaning and nobility.  Fans can't wait to see if a resurrection (however implausible it is or uncharacteristic of Ultimate Comics) is in the offing.

* * *

From http://www.comicvine.com/

"How can Marvel kill off the lead character in their biggest Ultimate Comics title? We know a new Spider-Man will surface. After Superman died, we had the Reign of the Supermen and saw four new characters. I don't think we will be getting four Spider-Mans (or should I say Spider-Men?). We've seen the Ultimate Universe of the Clone Saga and Marvel will most likely stay away from clones.

Superman was able to return from the dead because of his Kryptonian physiology. Spider-Man doesn't have that luxury. This just may be the actual death of Spider-Man in the Ultimate Universe. I may not have loved the final moments but I did enjoy the entire arc. It would be difficult to bring Spider-Man back from the dead and if they did come up with an acceptable solution, there are other repercussions such as Peter's entire neighborhood knowing his identity

Ultimate Spider-Man dealt with a teenage boy that was doing everything he could to be a hero. This arc showed how far he was willing to go. Despite being seriously wounded, he never gave up. Superman was accepted as a hero before he died and didn't really need to prove to anyone that he was one. Spider-Man went above and beyond what his duties were. It was a noble death.."

So Many Green Lanterns, So Little Time

You gotta love China. 

They already have Green Lantern action figures in the likeness of Ryan Reynolds

(see photo below) sold in Divisoria.  (Thankfully, the store owners allow picture-taking of the goods, unlike in upscale Shangri-La with that pesky lady guard.)

Ryan Reynolds flanked by his Green Lantern friends

This particular stall in 186 mall (I'm not sure why they name malls in Divisoria after numbers, there's 168, 999.  Lucky numbers in Chinese?)--anyway, this particular stall in 186 mall sells lotsa action figures.  There's even two versions of Wolverine--him clad in his classic yellow, black and blue, and the updated version looking uncannily like Hugh Jackman himself.   The prices, said the nice lady, range from PhP 150 to PhP 300.  Not bad. 

Back to Green Lantern. 

Until recently I thought the Green Lantern was supposed to be the African-American Jon Stewart of Justice League.  As it turns out, there is more than one Green Lantern.  Apparently, Green Lantern is a corps of superheroes all sporting the same power ring.

Which is why when the Green Lantern movie came out with the not-quite-African-American Ryan Reynolds, confusion set in.  Truth be told, I do not know my DC. 

So that's why the trailer shows several other green-clad heroes.

I still equate Green Lantern with Jon Stewart though, so every time the trailer came on, I keep looking for a black guy.

You'll notice I say trailer, not movie.  See, I have no urgent impluse to watch Green Lantern as I'm not particularly a fan of him and his band.  And also, not when there's X-Men.

Since X-Men First Class Opens On June 2...

The Uncanny X-Men will always be the the animated TV series with the best opening soundtrack of all.




The X-Men is, of course, a team of young mutants led by Professor X who has taken it upon himself to shelter, train, and harness their power for the benefit of all. That includes the humans who persecute them and see them as threats.

That, basically, is the premise of the story of the X-Men: a dystopian world where humans and mutants struggle to co-exist peacefully, where one hunts down the other, while the other tries to explain himself.

One way or another, we all feel misunderstood, isolated, and discriminated (even persecuted) by society for our weirdness and freakiness, just like the mutant superheroes of the X-Men who just happened to have the X-gene in them. That's why we love the X-Men; we long to be them, to use our freakiness and weirdness to our advantage, and in effect have their superpowers and make a difference. (Which is saying there is a superhero in all of us.)

As such, more than just featuring smashing fight sequences between humans and the mutants, or between the X-Men and Magneto, the X-Men series have delved into pressing issues such as anti-semitism, religion, racism, even gay and lesbian rights.  (When Nightcrawler asks Mystique why she's never used her shape-shifting powers to just blend in with everyone, she says "Because we shouldn't have to").

Created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby in 1963, the Uncanny X-Men has successfully transcended multiple platforms, from comic books to animated cartoon to video games and the big screen.  

June 2 is when X-Men First Class opens in theaters worldwide.

A Bit of Trivia

• The X-Men was originally intended to be called the Merry Mutants--clearly not a promising title for movies. 
  
• Northstar (who first appeared in 1979) was one of the first openly-gay superheroes in American comic books.
  
• In the Age of Apocalypse timeline when Professor X is accidentally killed, Magneto took up leadership of the X-Men.
  
• In issue #114, Storm marries Wolverine and bears his daughter named Kendall Logan.
  
• Wolverine's real name is James Howlett, though he is more commonly referred to as Logan.
  
• In the Dark Phoenix saga--where Jean Grey assumes the evil and infinitely-powered role of Dark Phoenix and destroys an entire star and billions of its inhabitants--many possible endings were proposed, including having Lilandra depower Jean Grey or Jean Grey being banished into a radioactive asteroid to burn there forever, before finally agreeing on a plot where Jean Grey sacrifices herself and takes her own life.
  
• Galactus was created by Stan Lee as a departure from the usual run of villains in comic books. Says Lee, "I wondered, 'How could we get something bigger than a villain? Let's do a guy who's like a demigod - I like the name 'Galactus'". Thus Galactus possesses the Power Cosmic.
  

Thor Action Figures, Anyone?

I've never understood why Thor has a hammer.  If I were a superhero, I'd choose something less cumbersome than a hammer.  I'd like to wield an indestructible samurai or maybe even a whip, but not a hammer, no matter if said hammer faithfully boomerangs back to me anyway.

Maybe, that's why I always cringe when I read crime news where the murder weapon is a hammer and the victim was practically pounded to death like a nail.  It's like carpentry gone wrong.  It's very brutal, I begin to wish it had been a different, less technical weapon. 

* * *

But let's shift to something light.  Below, product description for Hasbro's Thor Action Figure, very much resembling Chris Hemsworth (because kids seeing the movie have to be pacified and not confused about transitions from film adaptations to superhero action figures):"

 

Thor is the sworn protector of both Earth and Asgard. With his hammer Mjolnir in his hand there is nothing that can stand in his way. To battle against villains he calls upon the full strength of his mighty arms and the full power of lightning.

Even the very toughest opponents are no match for you and your Thor figure! When enemies approach, press his belt to unleash flashing lights and electronic phrases, like “I am Thor!” and “Feel the might of my hammer!” If the villains aren’t yet quaking in fear, use his snap-on “lightning” launcher to send “bolts” flying in their direction. With that kind of firepower and your figure’s mighty muscles, you’re sure to win the fight!

Sure.

I still like his classic getup better.  Though I still can't get the hammer.

Where are the League of Super Evil Toys?

Maybe I'm just not Googling it right, but I can't seem to find any pictures of action figures of the League of Super Evil (L.O.S.E.).

Because hey, even Manny Pacquiao has his own cartoonized action figure courtesy of MINDstyle (makers of Disney action figures).  Thankfully, his toy doppelganger sports badass spiky bangs, not the mop of hair he used to wear during the first few months of 2011 in the manner of Justin Bieber. 

Back to the League of Super Evil.  Where are the action figures?  Where?  Even Amazon doesn't have it.  Shouldn't they be churning out toys based on the cartoon by now.  Or are Voltar and his team not so marketable at all?

Okay, I've watched only three maybe four episodes, but I like the animation style, I like the characters, I like the diminutive Voltar, that hellhound who eats practically anything, including his favorite teammate cum dogchow Doktor Frogg, and the whole coolized concept of evil villains as losers, especially in a world so obsessed with winning, just as Glee celebrates losers and geeks. 

League of Super Evil, by the way, is the creation of a Canadian-based animation studio.  Which is probably why sometimes the antics and humor, though universal, are somewhat off.  But that's exactly why I like it.

Thor: Mondo Poster

Thor Mondo Poster.  Nice. 

Limited editions already on sale since May 5 at MondoTees.com.  Useless delayed heads-up, I know.  Sorry.

X-Men: First Class Trailer

The origin story that tells us why best of friends Magneto (Michael Fassbender) and Professor Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) drifted apart and formed their separate eternally warring factions.  


Notwithstanding the minimalist but tasteless poster for the movie, the trailer for X-Men: First Class is definitely kickin.


Michael Vaughnn directs this prequel.  In theaters June 2011

Whatever Happened to My Lunchbox...

Vintage superhero lunchboxes for the geek in you.

"...whatever happened to my 
whatever happened to my
whatever happened to my lunchbox
when came the day that it got
thrown away and don't you think I should have had some say
in that decision?"



-83, John Mayer

Run, Shia, Run!

Shia LaBeouf utilizing his leg muscles (yet again) in Transformers: Dark of the Moon, to be released on July 1st.

Pic is from superherohype.com.  Michael Bay directs (yet again) and commentors on the site aren't thrilled.

LEGO Fun for instance complains:  I thought they were trying to convince us this film was actually about the Transformers...?
 

Where are the transformers? 

Right.

It's kinda sad because the Transformers, as one of the coolest superheroes of our childhood, deserve a better film adaptation, not something gimmicky as the last two films had been.

* * *

For what it's worth, I made the mistake of watching the first Transformers movie sitting in the front row of the cinema.  (The place was already jampacked when Edge, my sis, and I got there, and it was the only available seats.)  Not surprisingly, what with being super close to the screen and unable to re-engineer the focusing mechanisms of our eyes on such short notice, all we saw were metallic blurs here and there.

Actually, I made the mistake of watching the first Transformers movie.  Period.

Captain America Inspires the Skinny People Everywhere

Skinny, Pre-Captain America days

So Chris Evans played the role of Johhny Storm aka The Human Torch. 

And now, come July 2011, he's going to be Captain America.  So that's two Marvel superheroes already.  Wow, he's really bankable.  Or Hollywood is running out of good actors who can fill in superhero suits.

Somehow, I prefer to have separate actors for separate superhero roles.  I mean, if you've already played Human Torch, don't take the role of another superhero.  I can't imagine Tobey Mcguire being reincarnated as Moon Knight, for instance, after a disappointing stint as Spiderman in Spiderman 3, or Robert Downey Jr. cast as, say, Michael Pointer, no matter if he was great as Iron Man.

Ya know, we don't have amnesia.  The roles tend to stick to the actors, so I don't like them changing into a new superhero role as if they were just slipping out of spandex--which essentially, is what happens anyway.

* * *

In

Captain America: The First Avenger

, by the way, we get to see Chris Evans transform from skinny, sickly Steve Rogers to the serum-injected chemically-enanced buff Captain America.

Think Christian Bale in the Machinist but without the crash diet and fatal starvation.  Just good camera angling and lots of CGI manipulation.  (In YouTube, one comment kiddingly thanks Justin Bieber for lending his body for the Steve Rogers role. :)

So.  There's hope for the skinny people everywhere after all, failed as they are by all those high-protein diets and trips to the gym just because their genes have dictated this is as far as their body's gonna get.  Now if we can only find that Super Soldier serum.

Captain America: The First Avenger stars Chris Evans, Hugo Weaving, Tommy Lee Jones, Stanley Tucci, and Hayley Atwell.

Spot the Difference

Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman, circa 1975

Adrianne Palicki as Wonder Woman in NBC's 2011 TV series to be penned by David E. Kelly

So Who's the Next, Er Younger Lara Croft?

Angelina Jolie reportedly says she's sealing her involvement in the Tomb Raider franchise.  So far, she says she's happy with the last film in 2003: Lara Craft: Tomb Raider — The Cradle of Life.

"The first one [Lara Croft: Tomb Raider] kind of frustrated us, because we were trying something new. The second one, I felt like that's kind of how I wanted to do it, and I don't really feel the need to do another one," says Jolie.

Which is all right because producer Graham King is planning on a "young and dynamic" Lara Croft for the Tomb Raider reboot.

They can, of course digitally erase the years off Angelina's face, like they did to her hubby Brad Pitt in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, but in the end, it's still up to the actress.

* * * 

Now, for the game to be released this 2001 by Square Enix, succinctly-titled Tomb Raider.   

This being the origins game, Lara Croft is just 21 years old, stranded on an island after having been shipwrecked, and must constantly find water and food and fend for herself whilst grappling with her new self-discovery about her fondness for ransacking ancient tombs.  

Game Informer warns the new Tomb Raider will be dark and gritty (note Lara Croft's bloodily stranded photo), somewhere along the lines of the new Batman Arkham City and James Bond.  Nice.

* * *

Sidebar: Frankly, Lara Croft's ultra-short shorts aren't great, on a pragmatic point of view.  If you're a tomb raider and you explore craggy caves and all, you'd better put on something longer that'll amply protect those supple legs and all.  

Then again, no one likes to watch a prude raiding tombs.

How I Got From Cyclops to Michael Pointer

Bear with me on this one as I'm not a comic geek, and whatever limited knowledge of the Marvel universe I have was communicated to me by that long-defunct TV cartoon classic X-Men and the films thereafter.  I'm just tracing a process, so if you're an expert, please don't rub it in.

Anyway, I was wondering the other night how Cyclops' strength measure up against all the others' in the Marvel universe.  Obviously he's no Thor or Silver Surfer, but still...

1. Cyclops' powers are: Optic energy beams and intuitive spatial geometry.

2. But what the heck is intuitive spatial geometry?  A good sense of direction?  Apparently, Cyclops can manipulate his energy beams with surgical precision, and can even reflect his beams and bounce them off many different surfaces in rapid succession.

3. Then I read about Cyclops' beam being able to pierce through the Blob.  What?  The Blob has unpierceable skin?  Well, I guess he's not a blob for nothing.

4. So off I go reading about the Blob.  And sure enough, he's got Superhuman strength, endurance, durability and resilience, and a personal gravity field.  Currently, the Blob is depowered though.

5. What's a personal gravity field, you ask?  Apparently, having your own personal gravity field, like the Blob, can make you practically immovable as long you have contact with the ground.  A nice skill to bring to a football field.

6. Those strong enough to make the Blob budge an inch though are the Hulk, Juggernaut, Strong Guy, and Colossus, who burrowed underground and lifted the ground on which the Blob was standing.

7.  But wait, he's currently depowered?  Is this a sort of on and off thing?

8. Turns out in the Decimation storyline, on the fateful day called M-Day, the Scarlet Witch (power:Reality warping, Hex energy) strips off all the power of every mutant in the planet, which includes the Blob.

Marvel Editor-in-Chief Joe Quesada reveals the need for the Decimation storyline: it was a way to keep the number of mutants at bay because after forty years of publishing just about every imaginable mutant power for all occasion has been devised, and things have gotten out of hand.

9. The result millions of mutants lose their power, and only a few hundred (198 to be exact, or if U.S. Government Liaison Henry Peter Gyrich is to be believed) around 300 still.

10. But since the Law of Conservation of Energy states that energy is neither created nor destroyed, all that stripped off superpowers must have gone somewhere.

11.  True enough, all those powers amalgamated into one, and spent a time hovering above earth until it bonded to Michael Pointer, a humble mailman in North Pole, Alaska, with the ability to absorb and manipulate Mutant energy. 

Having siphoned off everyone's power, Michael Pointer thus becomes known as the Collective.  As the Collective, he kills members of the Canadian superhero team Alpha Flight but was later subdued by Iron Man, Ms. Marvel, and the Sentry who dispatches him to Genosha.  Spider-Man later discovers the true nature of the Collective.


And that is how I got from Cyclops to Michael Pointer. 

Who's The Mightiest of them All?

Whether you come down on theThor side or Superman side or Silver Surfer side of the biggest debate of all time regarding the Strongest Superhero Ever, the important thing is that finally, Thor will have his very own movie come May 6, 2011.

* * *

I did a little googling and so far the top three strongest superheroes of all time are

(from old-wizard.com)

3. Silver Surfer

2. Superman

1. Thor (on account of his being an actual Norse god, and we know gods can mete out punishment.)

(from Wizard Magazine June 1997)

3. Superman

2. Thor

1. Silver Surfer (on account of his possessing the "power cosmic.")

Of course these lists never come out even.  Ordering the strength of the Marvel superheroes is like doing that tricky math exam question: A is stronger than C, and D is stronger than B.  B is stronger than A, but D can conjure all kinds of catastrophes, so who's the mightiest of them all?

Still others claim that the Incredible Hulk (on account of his limitless superhuman strength--which grows according to his rage meter), or Sentry (on account of his power equal to a million exploding suns), or Black Bolt (on account of his powerful potentially earth-shattering whisper), or Galactus (on account of his appetite for entire planets), or even Franklin Richards (on account of his reality manipulation)--others claim that they should be on the top of the strongest superhero list instead.

* * *

P.S.  Marie, if you're reading this, Tadanobu Asano is starring in the Thor movie.  Thought you might like to know.

The Iron Man Makeover

Stan Lee reveals that of all the superheroes they've created at Marvel, Iron Man received the most fan mail, usually from women. 

Below is the original costume of Iron Man when he first appeared in Tales of Suspense #39 (March 1963).  Evidently, they took iron too literally.  The costume looked unmistakeably iron, and so bulky and cumbersome, it makes the knights of the Middle Ages seem graceful and flexible.

Thankfully, on the next issue (see below) he had a makeover--from a gray armor suit to a golden one. 

Tales of Suspense #40

Thankfully again, eight issues later (December 1963), Iron Man gets his present day look: the sleeker, more badass red and gold suit.  Lucky for Robert Downey, Jr, and lucky for us all.

The Ten Crappiest Villains of Iron Man:

http://www.toplessrobot.com/2008/05/the_10_crappiest_iron_man_villains_who_wont_and_sh.php

The Point of Muscles

from  A Look Back on Some of the Best Superheroes of the 80's.

He-Man

"By the power of Grayskull...I have the power!". A classic line which brings us back to the land of magic, sorcery, of castles and kingdoms, and once again, good over evil.

No doubt, He-Man is your quintessential alpha-male, complete with bulging muscles, magic sword and unbeatable superpowers. Never mind that he was rather cliché—only big muscled guys get to be heroes—inspiring in skinny little boys (including me) an insecurity that were to surface later in our teenage years. The power of cartoons.

Dolph Lundgren as He-Man

But wait, there's Sheera too, a princess and He-Man's battle partner, not to be confused with some other helpless female character who gets in trouble and needs to be rescued from time to time. At least, there was Sheera to shatter the stereotype. If anything, He-Man was that cartoon that doesn't rely on violence, no matter how perfectly able the lead hero was.

Notably, his most violent act was picking up an enemy and tossing him away as you would a doll. Violence was only used as a last resort, and there we have a bulky superhero racking his brains instead on how to outwit the evil Skeletor. Yehey for that.

* * *

I'm not sure I'm excited to see GraySkull, the new He-Man movie set to be released on 2011, unless it has all the right grit and darkness--the way Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by Alfonso Cuaron--and the last one by David Yates--were dark and gritty and still catered to kids. 

The original He-Man movie in 1987, Masters of the Universe, starring Dolph Lundgren, disappointed.  All muscles and no point.

And Then Matter-Eater Lad Eats to the Rescue

Since we like odd stuff, I thought I'd feature a superhero who believes in food and knows nothing about diet at all.  No, I'm not talking about the Cookie Monster. 

People, meet Matter-Eater Lad.

Power:  The ability to eat and digest anything.  I mean, anything.
Real Name: Tenzil Kem
From the Planet: Bismoll.  A pun on Pepto-Bismoll, an over-the-counter drug for indigestion.
Why?:  Because microbes in his native planet have rendered all food inedible, so his race developed the ability to eat just about anything.  Even this keyboard.

Hate the President?  Let Matter-Eater Lad do the chowing. 

Yes, be prepared to overhaul all your preconceived notions about the superheroes in the DC universe.  Not everyone is a Batman who relies on gadgets and utility belts, or a Superman with all-purpose superpowers.  Some of them actually specialize, and turn to their digestive juices instead.   This may sound silly, especially in this age where superheroes have to be cool to make it inside a Happy Meal bag, but Matter-Eater Lad, for all his supposed appetite, has a legion of fans up till now.    

Below, an article in defense of the often-denigrated Matter-Eater Lad:

“With A Name Like Matter-Eater Lad, You KNOW He’s Got To Be Good…”

Tasty guns, anyone?

"Gail Simone, one of the best comic writers of our time, recently said something incredibly wise about the creators who claim to only want to work on the the top-of-the-line characters.  Gail’s response to this was something akin to “if they’re not first-rate characters, MAKE THEM first-rate characters.”  Her advice goes double for today’s review subject, one of the most denigrated characters of all time.  Matter-Eater Lad has never gotten any respect, sometimes not even from his fellow Legionnaires, and he’s often trotted out as an excuse for internet wags to wax poetic about how “lame” old comic-book heroes are, and how “all the good names really ARE taken, huh?”  They then go on to talk about airline food, Oprah, and how marriage means you don’t get sex anymore, am I right, guys?  In this, the Age of Irony, I feel it’s much more constructive (and more difficult) to make a case FOR a particular concept than it is to shoot it down.  Since Legionnaire Tenzil Kem is already dodging his particular slings and arrows, it behooves me to take arms on his behalf, and by opposing, end the snottiness.  Grab some popcorn and your favorite frosty beverage, while I take a few moments to explain why Matter-Eater Lad exemplifies heroism rather than emblemizing it’s failures.  This is your Major Spoilers Hero History on Tenzil Kem of Bismoll…  Matter-Eater Lad!

Matter-Eater Lad is actually one of the earliest members of the LSH, joining as #15 on their impressive roster (after the three founders [Cosmic Boy, Lightning Lad, & Saturn Girl] Triplicate Girl, Phantom Girl, Superboy, Chameleon Boy, Colossal Boy, Invisible Kid, Star Boy, Brainiac 5, Supergirl, Sun Boy, Ultra Boy, Shrinking Violet, Mon-El, and Bouncing Boy) and even upon his induction, Tenzil seemed to have a slight inferiority complex.  Given that the team consisted of four guys who crush planets and then some other kids (including the girl whose power is being men’s three-way fantasy), I don’t think he should have worried…"

* * *

Maybe Matter-Eater Lad didn't pan out because they didn't know how to turn him into an salable action figure toy.  What do you do, have his action figure eat a grand piano or a railroad car to hammer the point home?  Actually, here's one where his action figure prepares to devour an Armalite.

Still, it would have been interesting to see Matter-Eater Lad make it through the decades up to the present, especially in this age of anorexia and crazy diets.

He'll still have a feast, no doubt.