Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides and Why You Should Stay on Dry Land Instead

Just when we thought the legend of the Fountain of Youth has been rehashed far too many times in films, comes the latest installment to the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise: On Stranger Tides

In the magical world of Captain Jack Sparrow, the legendary fountain of youth becomes all too plausible, something just beyond the other side of the dark waters if you're willing to cross it.  Sure enough, in the capable hands of our madcap captain, the fountain is easily accessible but, alas, requires a mermaid (a drop of her tears at least) for the water to function.  

So you have the lovely spectacle of extremely mobile mermaids, the quest for the fountain of youth, and two warring factions out to get it.  A simple enough recipe for a Disney movie.  

Blah.

The film's most ironic scene (and perhaps the most laughable too--if not hitting too close to home)--is the part where a third party, a band of men sailing under the Spanish flag, enters frame, and in the name of God, proclaims the Fountain of Youth sacrilegious for only God should dictate death, and so said Spanish army proceeds to smash and rearrange the place.  A bunch of killjoy Christians.

Admittedly, this is my first time to ever watch Pirates of the Caribbean (What!?, First time?!  Have I been living under a rock?).  So really I have no idea what the earlier movies are all about and how they connect to this new one.  The only thing I know is that Pirates.. features Johnny Depp as, well, a pirate, and from the trailers, I can also recall a man with a squid for a face (Well that kind of thing is pretty hard to ignore.)  Now, too, because I happen to be watching with Edge who apparently has seen the other Pirates... movies, from him I now know Jack Sparrow's hatred for water.

Rob Marshall's Stranger Tides is full of the old thrills and tired antics, but unfortunately teaches me nothing new in its chosen realm, whether on seas or dry land.  Still, it was worth watching for the simple unassailable reason of the eccentric Johnny Depp's presence. 

Does this make me want to watch the earlier films?  Maybe, if the onboard TV bus happens to have it on pirated DVD.